My beautiful daughter. How bittersweet life is these days. These months seem so much to parallel those of last summer. Except you are not here. Except I am not the same person I was last summer. You are going to have a little sisiter. I am hopeful for her. I am longing for you. I wish with all my heart that you could both be. That I could have you both.
I haven't written in a while from my heart. I've posted facts or information, or passed on prayer requests, but I've kept from digging too deeply into my heart. Afraid of what I would find. I layed in bed this morning listening for Bobby to awake. I was thinking of you and holding you in my hands. How little you were. How perfect. But my mind always drifts away from these moments to the terrible things that happened in that room. I shut it down. I opened my Bible. I found a beautiful passage in Lamentations. I have come to accept this life. I have come to accept that you are gone. I still just miss you so much. I still just wish it could be different, but now I feel so torn.
I just want you to know I love you. Just because I am quiet does not mean you still do not spend every day on my mind and in my heart. You do. You always will. You are my beautiful daughter.