Saturday, March 12, 2011

Grief with a purpose is a powerful force. Now add to that a mother's love and I'd say it's nearly unstoppable.

My husband is working tonight and Bobby and Ellie are both asleep. I'm sitting reclined on the couch in the dark holding my infant daughter in my arms, listening to Booby's clock tick tock the seconds by. Occasionally he'll cough, finally recovering from the croup he must have caught in nursery school. So what do I do? I catch up on my Purpose-Driven and Girlfriends in God emails. I read the next scriptures on my Bible in a Year App. I check my Anchored by Hope email and find two new requests to add for Butterfly Mommies. So I read their stories and I'm just struck with two very tangible results of loss.

The first. God is always here. He always has been, no matter how vacant this path has seemed. I've neglected this gift, taken this gift for granted, used what He's given while still clinging to my own plans. I am so far from perfect, yet He loves me. He loves me at my worst and at my best---the same.

The second, the more difficult to accept or comprehend. It (the grief) can be used for good. The tears, pain, desperation, longing, anger, the GRIEF, can be used for good. That is why I began this post with that thought. Wow is grief powerful, intense. All of that can be used for good. So God, how do we work it?

Hannah, you are one amazing little woman. Absolutely perfect and made of absolute pure love. Oh how your mommy loves you.

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