Saturday, March 12, 2011

Grief with a purpose is a powerful force. Now add to that a mother's love and I'd say it's nearly unstoppable.

My husband is working tonight and Bobby and Ellie are both asleep. I'm sitting reclined on the couch in the dark holding my infant daughter in my arms, listening to Booby's clock tick tock the seconds by. Occasionally he'll cough, finally recovering from the croup he must have caught in nursery school. So what do I do? I catch up on my Purpose-Driven and Girlfriends in God emails. I read the next scriptures on my Bible in a Year App. I check my Anchored by Hope email and find two new requests to add for Butterfly Mommies. So I read their stories and I'm just struck with two very tangible results of loss.

The first. God is always here. He always has been, no matter how vacant this path has seemed. I've neglected this gift, taken this gift for granted, used what He's given while still clinging to my own plans. I am so far from perfect, yet He loves me. He loves me at my worst and at my best---the same.

The second, the more difficult to accept or comprehend. It (the grief) can be used for good. The tears, pain, desperation, longing, anger, the GRIEF, can be used for good. That is why I began this post with that thought. Wow is grief powerful, intense. All of that can be used for good. So God, how do we work it?

Hannah, you are one amazing little woman. Absolutely perfect and made of absolute pure love. Oh how your mommy loves you.

6 comments:

  1. This resonates with me so much, Katy. I feel like after my second baby died, I made a conscious decision to grieve well and explore my feelings. It was hard work, but so good. I am a changed person because of my babies. I cried out to God a lot, and still wish I would have done more.

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is so true Katy.....I'm trying so hard to use my grief for good and trust that God is with me as I work my way through all of this. Thanks for sharing :)

    By the way I got Aiden's memorial plaque in the mail this week and it's just beautiful! Thank you so much!

    ReplyDelete
  3. That is something I am trying to do too. I want to use my grief for good. I don't just want to move on with my life and pretend or act like nothing ever happened. I want to be an encouragement to others.

    Thank you so much for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Well...I'm going to just be unabashedly selfish when I say that all that you have done in your grief has been so unbelievably important to me in mine. As someone who lives a life today that is better for knowing you and your sweet Hannah, not to mention being able to function in ways I never dreamed I would 16 months ago...I wholly and totally attest to your assertion that the grief can be used for GOOD. You have been such a blessing to me!!!
    xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. I believe, too, that grief can be used for good. It may not always feel good but still God can use it.

    ReplyDelete
  6. For over 10 years I was an addict and needed treatment centers in California info. When I got the help I needed, I could start living my life again.

    ReplyDelete