Two years ago today I found out you existed. Found out I loved you. Found out my life would change forever.
I love you sweet girl.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
My Bobby
Sometimes it makes me really mad.
I loved to play with Bobby. I loved meeting playmates at the park, going to Gymboree, being his mom, being a mom. I still love to play with him and take him to the park and being his mom, but does he feel the same about me? Is this broken person really what he deserves? He deserves his whole mom back. Only when Hannah left, she took part of me. I am not and never will be the same. How is that fair? Why does Bobby get left with this beat up half of a mom? We all lose.
I just want my daughter. I want my son. I want both of my daughters. I want me.
Ahh just feeling defeated, feel defeated sometimes and need to get it out.
He's watched me grieve for more than half of his life. How do I give him more? How can I just be better? I want to for him so badly. I just don't know how.
There's so much on my mind.
I loved to play with Bobby. I loved meeting playmates at the park, going to Gymboree, being his mom, being a mom. I still love to play with him and take him to the park and being his mom, but does he feel the same about me? Is this broken person really what he deserves? He deserves his whole mom back. Only when Hannah left, she took part of me. I am not and never will be the same. How is that fair? Why does Bobby get left with this beat up half of a mom? We all lose.
I just want my daughter. I want my son. I want both of my daughters. I want me.
Ahh just feeling defeated, feel defeated sometimes and need to get it out.
He's watched me grieve for more than half of his life. How do I give him more? How can I just be better? I want to for him so badly. I just don't know how.
There's so much on my mind.
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