Saturday, July 23, 2011

Death

The past few nights I've had such trouble sleeping. Death weighing heavily on my mind. The permanence of death and the absolute anguish it causes.

2 days ago, July 21, was my best friend's birthday. She would have been 32 had she not died 10 years ago today, July 23. A brain anuerism took her suddenly. Just like that. We spent our childhoods hand in hand. Inseparable. She was the sister I never had. It is still painful for me today to remember and miss her. It is painful for me to think of her mother, who lost her only child.

Yesterday I learned my close friend's nephew died, drowned, on Thursday. He was 13. His friend had jumped in the river and was drowning. He jumped in to try to save him. Both boys died. I called my friend and just cried for him. The heartache. The pain. I hurt for his mother, how she must feel. I spent last night thinking how if only he hadn't tried to help...if only. We've all been there.

And Hannah. I wonder who you would be today. My tiny princess. What if you'd had a chance to grow? To grow up?

I don't understand death. I hate the way it makes me feel. I'm so thankful, though, that this is only our temporary home. But what do you do if you don't believe that?

20 comments:

  1. :(
    I can relate... all the "what ifs"...

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  2. I'm so thankful for Godly parents who taught me to believe in Jesus & life after death. That is what keeps me going, to know I will see Meredith & my other loved ones again.
    I will be praying for these parents who have lost their sons, for your friend's parents who lost her. And I think about you and Hannah often. Love to you - thanks for the beautiful things you have sent me for Meredith. I cherish them and I cherish "meeting" you. xoxo

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  3. Hugs to you Katy! My brother drowned 23 years ago in May and it seems like yesterday. Death is so overwhelming. Praying for you!

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  4. {{{HUGS}}}
    I'm glad I was raised knowing this is not the end. I pray , I hope that others will know that little comfort in knowing it is not the end. Death is hard I know.

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  5. Thinking of the finality of death is breathtakingly difficult. The grief left behind is unbearable at times.

    My heart aches for both families of those boys.

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  6. Heartbreaking stories. On good days, I remember that we hurt here, on earth, and those that we miss are better than good. On bad days, well, my emotions come out through my eyes, and it's so overwhelming that the good days are hard to remember.

    I hope your good days far outnumber the bad, and wish you restful nights.

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  7. Sending you love, sweet friend, and prayers for peace and comfort for your heart. I know on my worst, worst, worst days, I just cling to hope...cling to the promise. Cannot imagine life without it. Like Karin said, those days are sometimes so overwhelming that it is really hard, but again- what do we have without it? Hard to believe Jesus would sacrifice for us, but so, so grateful.

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  8. I can't even imagine what it would feel like to not "know" the promise of eternal life. As you say, this is just our temporary home and I find peace in knowing this.

    I too lost my best friend at a young age...and it still hurts all these years later. Suppose it always will.

    Much love to you Katie...I think of you often.

    BIG HUGS

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  9. Sending you much love. The only comfort in death is knowing what lies beyond for us...hugs and prayers...

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