I don't post here much anymore. Not because Hannah is not on my mind---she always is. She always will be on my mind and thoughts, in my heart, right here with me.
It is different now.
I do have things to say. I do have feelings that sit on my chest like a heavy weight and cause my eyes to sting with tears. But it's different now. Where as before I was living IN my grief, really just surviving, now I'm living WITH it. It is a part of my life. It is a part of who I am. It is a part of how I interact with my living children.
Here I mostly tried to focus on Hannah and how I was feeling. Having Eliana here now has caused things to resurface and also to heal. I've not really shared much of these things because I don't want to cause heartache for someone new on their grief journey by talking about my rainbow. Or even by talking about Bobby too much, Hannah's big brother.
So I've made a decision. I'm going to have this blog printed. I'm not going to blog here anymore, but at my new blog, Broken Yet Whole. I need to blog about all 5 of us. Together. Robert, Katy (me), Bobby, Hannah and Ellie.
I thank all of you for your support, love and friendship and would be honored if you'd continue to follow me there, but if not, I understand.