Monday, March 15, 2010

Sadness

I don't know what it is about today, but I am sad. Not angry, bitter, envious, resentful.....sad. Maybe it's the three plus days of rain. Maybe it's just that my heart is swollen again with grief. I don't know. I just know I feel this melancholy blanket hanging over me. I feel the tears welling up. I see them blinding my sight and joining the rain.

I think right now I have just lost sight of that hope. It is patiently sitting on the other side of the giant obstacles I see before me. They are overwhelming and crushing.

I wonder what you are doing, sweet girl. I wonder who you are. I wonder why right at this moment I can't be cradling you in my arms. Bobby is sleeping. I see his chest rising and falling. I hear his breath. God what I would give to watch you sleeping. To see your chest rise and fall. To hear your breath. I love you. I love you so much.

I wonder sometimes why it has to be so hard. Please. Take this weight. Clear this path a little for me. I feel like I am drowning.

15 comments:

  1. Sending you a big hug today. I hope your day gets better. God bless you!

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  2. Katy, I am going to pray that God gives you the strength to walk on water. I am thinking of you. *huge hugs*

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  3. I'm sorry your hurting so badly. Thinking of you, Katy.

    xoxo

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  4. I am right there with you today...feeling sad too...sad for myself, sad for you, sad for all us mommies. Big hugs to you.

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  5. I'm sorry you are feeling so sad today. Please know I'm thinking of you and wishing you better days. XO

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  6. I'm sorry for your sadness too! I feel testy today with a side of sadness. Maybe it's just one of those days! Praying for some peace for you!

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  7. Oh Katy...I SO wish I had something as uplifting and heart-warming as the things you so kindly send to me--and I just don't. I just want you to know that I am going to cry out to God tonight for so many who are hurting and sharing--I'm seeing it all over the place--and I am literally going to picture me taking you right to His throne. Many, many, many hugs, sweet friend!

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  8. I wish I could take the pain away today. This grief feels neverending sometimes....

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  9. Katy - I was so depressed from the gloom outside too....thankfully today and for lots of days ahead we have some sunshine and warmth - make sure you go outside lots and feel that sunshine on your face ok?! Sending love and hugs cccooo Nan

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  10. I hope you are feeling better today. Sending smiles and hugs and letting you know you have an award on my page. Hugs to you.

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  11. Thinking of you Katy. It is very difficult to understand why our little girls aren't right here in our arms. Remembering your beloved daughter, Hannah, and I hope that tomorrow is more gentle for you. xo

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  12. I have had those days where I just feel sad and nothing else. Sad that she can't be here with me. Always missed!

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