Tomorrow, June 17, it will be one year since I welcomed your sweet little soul into my heart. That is the day I found out I was carrying you.
One year. For one year I have had the joy of knowing you, the sorrow of losing you came some weeks later. I remember taking the test. I remember kneeling on the bathroom floor and thanking God for you with every breath I had. I remember telling Bobby, just 15 months old, but so excited by his mother's joy and cried that he was going to be a big brother. I remember those tears of happiness that rolled down my cheeks.
How naive mommy was, Hannah. How naive to think that day meant I would be holding you 8 months later. How naive to just assume I'd keep you.
Not anymore.
My anxiety has been getting the best of me. The panic. The uneasiness. The inability to stay too long in one place but yet have that fear of moving.
I love you sweet Angel. I am blessed to have known you and to be your mom.
Father, please take this pain. Please take my worries, my anxiety, my fears. Please help me to remember that you are always in control and with you, I can deal with anything. Increase my faith, I pray, and help me to always glorify you through my life.
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Praying for you! Praying that God would take that anxiety and replace it with peace and comfort! Love and hugs!
ReplyDeleteI picture you kneeling on that bathroom floor, crying and thanking God with everything in you, with every breath you had. Oh, how I wish you could go back to that moment and it could stay that way. Praying for you and missing Hannah with you!
ReplyDeleteI love this sentence: I am blessed to have known you and to be your mom.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a wonderful mom and Hannah is so loved.
Hannah is so very loved and you are a wonderful Mommy to her! XO
ReplyDeleteKaty,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to the feeling of being naieve. This journey teaches us so much, yet we remain anxious and guarded. Life after loss is just not the same, but we keep walking. We ask for guidance and we pray for increase of FAITH.
AND
We continue to pray prayers of peace and ask for our burdens to be lifted...and shared. Let us share your burden.
xxx
Andrea
Will be thinking of you. ♥ Oh, to be naive again. I would welcome it.
ReplyDeleteKaty what a beautiful letter to Hannah, I am approaching this "one year" July 19, but the 5th of July is when she was "made" for sure so that is going to be so hard too....what we can ONLY do is leave this pain in His hands and hope He can bring us some peace...Praying for you as always xoxox
ReplyDeletePraying for you Katy and sending you lots of love. Will be thinking of you and sweet hannah tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteHow I wish I could be naive like before. I wish we didn't have such memories as we do now. I pray that the Lord above is gentle with you heart tomorrow and always. I will be thinking of you and Hannah as always, ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI am praying for you with every ounce of spiritual strength I have today. I am sending prayers too many to list. Just please know my thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish I could just come hug you.
ReplyDeleteCrys
I understand this all too well...*hugs*
ReplyDelete