Tomorrow, June 17, it will be one year since I welcomed your sweet little soul into my heart. That is the day I found out I was carrying you.
One year. For one year I have had the joy of knowing you, the sorrow of losing you came some weeks later. I remember taking the test. I remember kneeling on the bathroom floor and thanking God for you with every breath I had. I remember telling Bobby, just 15 months old, but so excited by his mother's joy and cried that he was going to be a big brother. I remember those tears of happiness that rolled down my cheeks.
How naive mommy was, Hannah. How naive to think that day meant I would be holding you 8 months later. How naive to just assume I'd keep you.
My anxiety has been getting the best of me. The panic. The uneasiness. The inability to stay too long in one place but yet have that fear of moving.
I love you sweet Angel. I am blessed to have known you and to be your mom.
Father, please take this pain. Please take my worries, my anxiety, my fears. Please help me to remember that you are always in control and with you, I can deal with anything. Increase my faith, I pray, and help me to always glorify you through my life.