Shandrea asked, "How has your faith changed from the time you were pregnant with Hannah to today?"
My faith has grown tremendously. Before I lost Hannah I don't even know that I KNEW the true meaning of faith. I've been through some incredibly difficult things in my life but never one where I had the cling to God just to survive each day. I get that now. I have a new understanding of what having a relationship with God truly means.
Crystal asked, "If you could give one piece of advice to another mother who is just beginning this journey what would it be?" and "What is your favorite way to remember Hannah? and why?"
My advice would be just to let yourself feel what you are feeling and to hold on to Jesus. I don't have a favorite way of remembering Hannah, I guess. She is always on my mind and in my heart. She is my daughter. I LOVE when other people remember her, though!
Maggie asked, "What was your wedding like?"
My wedding was wonderful! My husband and I got married outside in a place called Deep Cut Gardens. They even have a butterfly garden there. It truly is a beautiful place, so peaceful as we stood outside saying our vows in front of a beautiful pond. The reception was at a place called Jacques. The food was amazing and we just felt so blessed to be surrounded by all of our family! Everyone danced and had a great time!
(I really wish I had better pictures on my computer but I guess these are better than nothing!)
Sarita Boyette asked, "I admire your faith and I wanted to ask you when you became a Christian and what book of the Bible holds the most meaning for you?"
I have always been a Christian, but would have to say that losing Hannah redefined what that actually meant to me and it took on a whole new meaning. I thank her for this gift each day. I like the book of Job. Job was a righteous man, tempted and tried by the devil in all the worst ways. God did not cause these things to happen, He allowed them, and Job was blessed doubly in the end. I am by no means righteous and cannot even compare myself to Job, but I look forward to that beautiful blessing (Hannah) I will be holding in Heaven. I KNOW God is faithful.
Trisha asked, "Do you ever wonder why?"
All the time. When the why starts to get the best of me I just have to remember that God knows and understands things that are just impossible for me to. I just have to trust and know that when I am in Heaven all things will be made clear.
Amanda asked, "Is there any one person that knew just what to say or any one book/item that really helped you get through the tough times?"
There have been several people I could not have gone through this without. First, my husband. He is a rock in my eyes. He lets me crumble and holds me up through his own grief. My mom. She always remembers Hannah and loves her (almost) as much as I do. My Aunt Crystal. We never had a close relationship, but there she was, right when I needed her. She has become one of my best friends. She always remembers Hannah, is constant in reaffirming my faith and supporting me and is always doing something in Hannah's memory. I never expected to find some of my greatest support there, but surprisingly, I have. This community. No words are necessary to describe the love and support of so many in this community.
Holly asked, "Where are you usually at when you remember Hannah the most?"
Everytime I see a ladybug. Everytime I look out my window at her weeping cherry. Every night when I turn her curio light on and light her candle. When I say my prayers. Everytime I breathe. She is always on my mind.
Nicole asked, "How do you stop the tears (from losing Hannah) when it feels like they will never end?"
I don't stop them. I pray for peace.
Antoinette asked, "HOW does your faith continue to grow even after all you have been through? Have you ever felt that "God" was against you like many of us have felt?"
Many, many times I have cried out to God---WHY? What have I done? Why did Hannah deserve this? Why couldn't you have taken me and let her live? WHY? So many times. I have felt like He was against me. "Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him". For me, there is no choice. God is my hope. My hope to see Hannah again. My hope to have mercy and peace to get through each day. My hope to grow and share His love and compassion with others. It grows because Jesus is my friend. He is always there to talk to. To cry to. To question and to wonder. God is ever faithful and HE NEVER CHANGES. He is the same God now that He was before I lost Hannah. I can depend on Him, lean on Him, rely on Him. How would I ever even get through this without Him?
Tough. Tough. Tough.