Winner(s)!

Ok, ok, so those of you who follow me just know I am not capable of picking just 1 winner! Raquel, Natasha, Denise, Wendy and Butterflymom! Email me your baby's full name, color you like and your contact information when you get a chance! klarsen17@yahoo.com

Thank you for all the lovely comments and thank you Mattie for this project!

What LOVE Really Means (& a Giveaway!)

Today is my turn to join up with the lovely Mattie and several other wonderful blogging mommies to share what love really means to us. I'm honored to share a piece of my heart along with these other women, so here goes.

Love. Probably the most powerful word in the human language. The most coveted, the most longed for, and sometimes, the most painful.

All we ever know of love we learn. We learn in moments all strung together wrapping us up in the emotions. We learn of the love between man and woman watching our parents growing up. Then one day we fall in love and learn through experience. We learn the true meaning of unconditional love when we have children. Countless times I have stared at my own children just in awe of the love they have brought into my life. We love our family. We love our friends. We learn to love them through good times and bad. Love is not always easy. It's not always Valentine's hearts and roses. In fact, most of the time it is not. But truth is, we need love. We need these connections. We sometimes even need that desperate pain that comes in the midst of it. We learn. We learn to give and receive. And since God himself is love, I know our greatest lessons lie in Him.

My greatest lesson in love has also been my greatest gift and greatest hurt. One very special little girl taught me more about love, God's love, His grace, compassion and hope, than I ever even imagined existed.

Most of you who will read this post have felt that same loss, and I'm sure, have felt that same love. That love that caused your world to collapse. That love that broke your heart in a million pieces. That love you achingly clung to despite the facts. That love that you'd give anything to have. To have here. I felt and still feel all of that. But there's something else. That was my love to give and I am still amazed at what I am given in return.

His grace. Not possible to survive without it. How else do we even breathe? Thank you Lord for that friend when I needed her. Thank you for that peaceful moment when I thought I'd lose my mind. Thank you for that stranger who shared their heart. His grace comes from love.

Faith. I believe. I BELIEVE He works all things for good. I BELIEVE I will see Hannah again. I BELIEVE in that glorious reunion and that Christ died for our sins. Out of love. All out of love.

Compassion. Never have I known such compassion in my life as what Hannah has given me. I have poured it out and I have taken it in. That compassion has been a lifeline. It has made an unbearable day bearable. It has filled me up where otherwise I am completely empty. It is PURE love working through God's children. And it was born in me that very same day Hannah was. LOVE.

Love to me is an action, a verb, ever moving and changing and working. It consists of endless sets of emotions and to truly put it into words is nearly impossible. You have to FEEL it, LIVE it, and sometimes most painfully, LEARN it.

So in honor of these posts and Valentine's Day and just plain out of LOVE, I'd like to host a giveaway. What am I giving away, you ask? Don't know, but I'll surprise you with something nice, I promise! Just leave me a comment below about anything LOVE. I don't care what it is at all, a story, a quote, a verse, whatever. Just something about love that means something to you!

And don't forget to check back with Mattie tomorrow to keep reading and me on the Monday, February 14th for a winner!

Emotions

It's been awhile.

Ellie is here now. In fact as we speak I am sitting in the car on the way to have an x-ray and ultrasound on her. Precautionary, really, but I just feel so bad.

I remember when Bobby was little. Rocking him to sleep. Holding him all day long. Awed and amazed. I couldn't believe he was mine. Now so many times in the early hours of morning when sleep still has somewhat of a hold on me, I look at Ellie's sleeping face against my chest and I just don't think it is possible to love them anymore than I do. It's overwhelming, really, how I love them.

All of them.

Ahh, then come the nightmares and sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. The guilt that I have for so long tried to shake claws at my feelings and my conscience. If my body hadn't forced her out, she'd be here. Picturing her tiny body. Every perfect part. Complete, yet lifeless. I let her down. She depended on me and I let her down.

I miss you, Hannah. I'm sorry. So sorry. And I love you so much.

Winners!

Thank you all so much for all of your comments and love yesterday! I loved receiving and reading each and every one. So I went to random.org this morning and here we have it---or winners!

I picked one official winner for the candleholder and that is Teresa Farmer. Congratulations! I also picked three runner-ups to receive an ornament and they are Trena, Leanne Hoovler and Michelle. Congrats to you girls as well! Please e-mail me at your earliest convenience at hannahshonor@yahoo.com. Teresa, let me know the name you would like as well as the symbol. Trena, Leanne and Michelle, let me know the name(s) as well as a color for each ornament (pink, blue, purple or green).

I look forward to hearing from you!

It's Giveaway Time!

Well, almost! Technically I'm 3 hours early, but just want to have this up and open for comments! I am so excited to be taking part in Tina's 25 Days of Giveaways once again this year! It blessed me last year in that I met some really wonderful women and created some lasting friendships. Truly a great thing to try to spread some cheer throughout a season which is so difficult without our babies. So, here we go!

Hannah inspired in me a love of crafting and creating and I am always trying something new! My most recent project is etching glass. I'd like to offer a custom etched glass candleholder to the winner of my giveaway like the one pictured below. I can put any name and any symbol (butterfly, ladybug, rose---you name it!) on it that you like!

And just so you know, I've been known to throw in a couple runner-ups here and there to win things! It does my heart good to try to help someone elses! So, leave me a comment---say anything! Has Hannah affected your life? Are you new to this journey? Is this your first Christmas or your fourth? Tell me about your baby. I'd like to get to know each and every one of you, or if I already do, learn something new about you.

Lots of love---and good luck!

25 Days of Giveaways

I am so excited to be participating in Tina's 25 Days of Giveaways again this year. Last year it was so special to me to host my day on Hannah's 3 month Angelversary and to get to know a lot of other BLM's who I have walked this path with this last year. It begins on December 1, so head over to Tina's blog that day to see what blog to go to that day for a giveaway. My day this year is December 11. It truly does help to be able to share your baby(ies) with others during the holidays and know that they are remembered by others as well.

14 Months

Has it really been that long?

I haven't had much of anything to say. Do I think it? Do I feel it? Yes. Can I get it out? No.

It lives inside of me. It's just so much of who I am now that to separate these emotions and pull them out would be devastating. Who knows if I even make sense. It's 4:23 am and I've been up since 2 for no good reason and my mind has just been spinning---which in turn, awakens things in my heart.

14 months ago I lost you, sweet girl. How very different I was then. How very different life was. I love you so much, Hannah.

Always.