I have been searching for some good in all of this. Some great purpose to be served.
Bobby and I went to our first bereavement group meeting on Tuesday. It was really good. It helps to know other people share this heavy heart though you do not want them to. Sort of a blessing and a curse all at the same time. But I feel enlightened. I truly do. There are thousands, maybe millions, of parents around the world asking God "why me?", "why my child?". It seems so unfair. Has He got some great purpose for us all, I wonder?
I've been looking back over my life. Looking at who I was say 5 years ago and who I am now. Part of me wished for my naivity back. I felt like buying a pack of cigarettes and not giving a crap about anyone. I know I can't do that though. That is not who I am. I am changed. I have people who need me. I have people I need.
So what becomes of my Hannah? How can she make a difference though she is in heaven? I've decided something.
I contacted SHARE, a support organization for pregnancy and infancy loss. I need your help. I need to educate this hospital. What should I do? How should I go about it? I am now armed with a thick packet of information and the drive of a heartbroken mother fighting for her child. Fighting for that mother and child that may end up where I was someday. I am reaching out. Pray that I connect.
I am writing a letter back to that hospital VP who had his secretary type up a stale apology to send after my husband met with him. Yes Bobby met with the hospital officials. They were very appologetic of our treatment and sorry for our loss. But they still are the same people. I am changed. Now I hope to change them. I hope Hannah can change them and her little life can have a big impact.
That is where I am going on this journey, my first stop. Who knows where else it will take me.
I feel blessed to have an Angel though it hurts so bad. I love my sweet girl up in Heaven. I wrote this poem for her yesterday. I hope you like it.
still life
to those Angels up in heaven
born without a breath
Mommy breathing for them
knowing they have left
footprints on the hearts of those
who felt them move inside
knowing they existed
felt them so alive
all the moments you beheld
safely in the womb
never to know the world around
the darkest sides, the gloom
just the joy of Mommy's love
still all around you now
knowing you are still a life
teaching them somehow
hopefully to recognize
the beauty you behold
even though you are not here
your story still is told
Katy Larsen
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Hi Katy and thank you for your comments on my blog. I read sweet Hannah's story and I am so, so sorry for your loss. I truly wish you did not have to live with this pain.
ReplyDeleteI am horrified with the experieince you had at the hospital. You would think that medical professionals would be better equipped to handle a situation like this, I am sorry that was not your case.
I too have felt the need to make something good come from losing my girls. I think it is a great way to help our hearts heal a little bit. Wishing you all the luck with your efforts and hoping you find peace and comfort in your heart. xx
Katy, what an amazing writer you are. I know that this blog will be very helpful to many women, your words, your experiences are going to reach women who need to know they are not alone. Your poem was just absolutely beautiful. These kinds of words bring comfort to the hearts of other mothers, it's like you captured my feelings in your poem, and in such a way that it made me feel connected to a much larger group of women who understand, I mean truly understand the loss of a heaven born child.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful poem, Katy! Such passion I see in your words! Maybe I should contact SHARE.
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