I wish I could vent and say exactly how I am feeling, but for now I just can't. I can't.
My mom bought me this beautiful box that says, "Don't lose Hope...When it gets darkest the stars come out." I have it sitting next to my computer and I have decided the absolute perfect use for it. Usually when I read your blogs I'll say a breath prayer for whatever need you appear to have at that time. From now on I will put it on paper and put it in my box. I have said before and I'll say again, I believe so strongly in the power of prayer, so I just thought I'd share with you that know you are all going to end up in that box.
I'm feeling a little overwhelmed lately. I'm tired. Everything I need to get done seems to be backed up by a few days and the "to-do" list keeps getting longer. (Hope my hubby doesn't run out of underwear from the piles of laundry building up). It's wedding season and I make invitations. I have 3 jobs going on right now. I had 3 Delivering Hope orders. (Thank you so much!) My house is a mess.....I have finally caught up on the Butterfly Mommies and gotten all the Bible Study info in order, though. But as I sit here and think of it all, I feel so blessed and so rich at the same time. What would I do and where would I be without this ministry?
I've been having nightmares. Well, I guess they aren't really nightmares because they really happened. My mind keeps taking me to the hardest parts of that day. The worst moments. Picturing my daughter and all that happened.......I wonder why. Why does my mind go there at night? Why do I wake up filled with that raw emotion? I wish I could just see her face and not the way she was treated. I wish I could just remember her heartbeat on the ultrasound instead of imagining it slowly stopping as I lay on that table. I wish so many things.
Sorry for venting, but thank you for listening. I have an emotional boulder sitting on top of me right now. I wish there was some easy way to release it and get rid of all this negativity. Please pray for me.