Last night I went to a free concert in Ocean Grove with my mom, dad and little Bobby. It was Tenth Avenue North. Before I lost Hannah I had never even heard of them, but then I heard this song. It just spoke to me so deeply. When they sang it last night, my eyes filled with tears and I struggled to fight them back. I looked at my mom and told her how much it reminds me of Hannah, of that very dark place where I felt so alone and so full of questions. Sometimes I even find myself back there these days, when I look at her picture too long or realize that the butterfly lamp I lit that day is still burning. Who would think a bulb would last so long? I realize all these rituals I perform for her on a daily basis and I guess I just have to accept that that is her part of my routine. It doesn't include bottles and diapers, it includes lighting her candle and kissing her urn.
I love you, little girl.