Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Routines and a Song

Last night I went to a free concert in Ocean Grove with my mom, dad and little Bobby. It was Tenth Avenue North. Before I lost Hannah I had never even heard of them, but then I heard this song. It just spoke to me so deeply. When they sang it last night, my eyes filled with tears and I struggled to fight them back. I looked at my mom and told her how much it reminds me of Hannah, of that very dark place where I felt so alone and so full of questions. Sometimes I even find myself back there these days, when I look at her picture too long or realize that the butterfly lamp I lit that day is still burning. Who would think a bulb would last so long? I realize all these rituals I perform for her on a daily basis and I guess I just have to accept that that is her part of my routine. It doesn't include bottles and diapers, it includes lighting her candle and kissing her urn.

I love you, little girl.

7 comments:

  1. Wow---jealous that you got to go see them and for free!!!! That song has been such a staple since Matthew died. It always takes my breath away when I hear it. Literally, today, not 3 hours ago, I heard it and it still took my breath. SO much of what is often in my heart.
    Lots of love!

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  2. I saw them perform with Mercy Me about a month ago, they are amazing! I love this song too! *HUGS*

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  3. What a beautiful song. I can see how it spoke to you, especially when you were still fresh with hurt and searching for God's love to lift you up. Love you! XOXO

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  4. Love that song...a friend sent me a link to their new single about healing...so beautiful.
    Jealous that you got to see them=). They are one of my favorites besides Selah.

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  5. Beautiful! Tears with you. Hope you are feeling good honey. Hugs, Nan xxx

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  6. I really like Tenth Ave North. And that song is one I like.

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