I wanted some input from other Baby Lost Mamas. I feel like everyone who loves and cares for me has put this incredible pressure on me to be well. Sometimes I wonder if I am crying in grief or frustration. Sometimes I wonder if I am hurting just from the loss of my daughter or also from the tension and separation I feel in relationships I had that were once close.
Most days I drift through every emotion on this ocean. I feel the usual melancholy that now surrounds my very being, but also satisfaction when I complete something for Hannah. Melancholy, but also frustration from my inability to explain myself. Melancholy, but joy when I watch Bobby accomplish some new task. Guilt for laughing or smiling. Guilt for just breathing sometimes. I wish I could trade with my daughter. Let her laugh, love, smile, breathe.
I wonder if anyone else feels this way. (Heavy Sigh.) It always feels good to sigh.