Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Nope. Still Raining.

You might as well rip my heart right out of my chest, God.

I thought I found a rainbow. Turns out it is just more rain.

I found out I was pregnant again on December 1. What a blessing. Truly, I was being blessed. Everything seemed wonderful until December 18. At my ultrasound the baby was measuring 10 days behind. I would have to wait until Christmas Eve morning to see if the baby had grown, or had stopped growing.

It was a difficult 6 days but I trusted it to God. I hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. And then, a Christmas miracle. The baby had grown right on schedule! Oh praise God for the wonderous things He does.....

Only to take this child away, too. I started bleeding on Sunday and miscarried Monday morning.

Now I am really struggling. Why? I was just beginning to truly feel and see the beauty and purpose in the loss of Hannah. I was grasping at that hope. I was pulling myself back up.

I'm slipping right back down this hole.

No rainbow. Just rain.


  1. I am soo very sorry. Words can not express. you are in my prayers.

  2. Oh Katy, I am so sorry. I don't have any words to describe the heartache I feel for you. Thinking about you! xo

  3. I am so sorry....the thought of another pregnancy after loss scares me to death, because of what you just went through. I read my entire baby book again yesterday, especially the part about loss that says that the chance of having another tragic loss of a baby during pregnancy is slim to none....and then I hear your story and wonder why such things have to happen...I am living in fear of that happening again right now...its hard to have hope after suffering such loss. I am truly sorry for your losses and will pray that you get to see a rainbow sometime in the near future. I know God is good, but He is so hard to understand sometimes.

  4. Oh Katy, I am so, so sorry! I don't understand why these things happen and it happens to so many of us! It is so unfair and for me it really took a lot of hope away. I pray that you find the peace and comfort to make it over this hurdle. Thinking of you and your babies. xx

  5. ((((MANY HUGS)))) I'm so sorry. :( :(

    It's just NOT fair. I wish I could give you a big hug!

  6. Thinking of you. My heart is broken. Praying for our Lord to give you strenght.

  7. I'm so sorry for your loss. I pray God's peace wrap around you right now.

  8. I don't get this at all. I am so sorry for you. I can't say anything to take the pain away, but I will be praying for you.


  9. Katy, I am so sorry...*huge hugs* I wish I could give you a real life hug. I will definately pray for peace for you.

  10. Katy - there are no words. Why, why, why? I am there with you... I'm so sorry.

    Sending you strength

  11. Much love my sweet friend....I wish I had the words to soothe your aching heart. And, I'd love to reach out and give you an in real life hug. I'm so sorry for your loss of this precious life, as I know the heartache. May God continue to wrap his arms around you and hold you in his care.

    If you need to chat, I'm always near.

    Love and Prayers,

  12. There are no words to express how I am feeling for you... I am so sorry hun.

  13. I am so so so so sorry for you. My heart truly aches with yours. I know everything that you are feeling and i am feeling it all over again for you. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and no matter what it looks like right now, hold on to your hope. Sending you lots of hugs HUGE Prayers and lots and lots of love right now.

  14. I'm so sorry sweetie. We are all here for you.


  15. Oh Katy, I am so, so sorry. I stopped by your blog to tell you that I put a butterfly up for Hannah on my site. What heartbreaking news. I will add your rainbow baby to my list of butterflies, as well. Thinking of you today.