You might as well rip my heart right out of my chest, God.
I thought I found a rainbow. Turns out it is just more rain.
I found out I was pregnant again on December 1. What a blessing. Truly, I was being blessed. Everything seemed wonderful until December 18. At my ultrasound the baby was measuring 10 days behind. I would have to wait until Christmas Eve morning to see if the baby had grown, or had stopped growing.
It was a difficult 6 days but I trusted it to God. I hoped for the best but prepared for the worst. And then, a Christmas miracle. The baby had grown right on schedule! Oh praise God for the wonderous things He does.....
Only to take this child away, too. I started bleeding on Sunday and miscarried Monday morning.
Now I am really struggling. Why? I was just beginning to truly feel and see the beauty and purpose in the loss of Hannah. I was grasping at that hope. I was pulling myself back up.
I'm slipping right back down this hole.
No rainbow. Just rain.