The Day You Were Due.....

I waited until the end of this long day to post a sort-of photo collage of the things we did today, my husband, little Bobby and I. Most of all I just missed her. I missed Hannah so much and felt that empty ache without her. I felt that absolute no as to having her in my arms. It is real. It is not a dream. It will never change as long as there is breath in me.....we will be apart. So I spent today with the family I do have here on earth and remembered and loved and missed that sweet little girl I have in Heaven.

My friend Renata gave me a gift on Saturday. She is away on vacation, but I told her I was going to wait until today to open it. It made my heart feel good and my eyes well up with tears to read my daughter's name and to read what she had written to me. It feels so good when someone else remembers the one that never leaves your mind. Thank you, Renata. It is a beautiful bracelet with pink stone hearts and Hannah's name on the silver heart near the clasp.

Then a knock at the door.......

All white flowers surrounding a single, beautiful pink rose. Thank you, Mom. I don't know what I would do without you and the love you show for my daughter. The wonderful ways you remember her and remind me that you do. I love you. She also wrote me a beautiful poem in an email about Hannah. Now I have never read or heard of my mother writing poetry. It was beautiful, about a beautiful rose in Heaven in a field of wildflowers. (Maybe if she lets me I'll share it.)

Oh, and Bobby picked a flower out of the bunch to bring to his little sister's stone.....

We then went down to visit Hannah's stone in the Children's Memorial Garden. This would be my husband's first time there and I was excited for him to see it. As I was about to turn onto the entrance road the thought occurred to me that maybe they hadn't shoveled the path. What if it was covered in snow? And it was. I marked the spot where I thought her stone might be and my husband started removing the snow. It was the exact spot where her stone was. How amazing. We left her flower there for her and told her how much we love and miss her.

The rest of the day we spent together. We went to McDonald's for lunch and then to the Aquarium in Camden. It was really nice. Bobby got a penguin stuffed animal in the gift shop and we bought Hannah a keychain with her name on it. After that we went to Olive Garden for dinner and then to the mall where we bought a special new candleholder and angel for Hannah. The angel is called "Loving Angel" and the candleholder is called "Love Notes; the Spirit of Love." She is love and she is loved.

You can't see the angel or candleholder too well in this picture but I just wanted to show the beautiful candles that sit atop my mantle burning for her tonight. The one on the left I have burned every night since the day i lost her.

I searched the sky all day. I hoped and prayed for some comfort, to just see some sign of her love and happiness. I have faith so I already KNOW these things, but I am human and today much weaker than usual. I saw this heart in the clouds today.

I know it was from her.

I would also like to thank a few other very special people for making this day and this week...and this journey, for that matter, a little easier.

Tina at Living without Sophia and Ellie made me this beautiful necklace. I'll quote her note so you see the thought and love she put into it, "It is a bit of a collage...I included a disc with Hannah's name and birthstone, an enamel ladybug, a pendant for Bobby, a heart with "HOPE" for the work you do with Anchored by Hope and Delivering Hope, and a pair of angel wings for the babies you miscarried." I cried when I saw it. Thank you, Tina, so much.

I also received a package from my aunt in Texas. It contained some yarn donated from another mom missing her baby, some Valentines and presents for Bobby, a card for Hannah and I...and just I, a prayer journal (love it) and an angel, specifically an angel entitled "Spirit of Giving; Generosity is your shining gift." I LOVE that she thinks of Hannah this way and hope other people do, too. Thank you, Crystal. It means so much to me.

And last but CERTAINLY not least, thank you, Nan from The Reiber's-Remembering our Triplet Angels, for remembering Hannah today.