I'm one week away from the day my baby girl was due. It seems so long ago when I was welcoming this day, anticipating this day, instead of dreading it. My heart gets heavier each day as it approaches. I know it's okay. I know I'll be okay. I would just like to be past it already.
Hannah left over 4 months ago. She hasn't been here. She left that body and went home. She left me. She left a hole. A giant, gaping hole in my heart; in my family. Most of the time I run around the edge of it. Scared I'll fall in, I keep on moving, running, filling every free moment until there is almost no time left to even think. But I still do.
I wonder who she would have looked more like as she grew. I wonder what her personality would be like. I wonder if she'd be a "Daddy's Girl". I already know she is special. That is one thing I will never have to wonder. And I know I will see her again and then I won't have to wonder anymore. Someday. Someday after I live this life without her.
She is still my little girl. How I wish I could hold her. How I wish.....
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I wish she were here, too. The due date is hard. I kept busy that day- knitted some baby hats to donate, went for a walk on the beach. Hopefully you'll find something to do that will bring you some peace. Thinking of you and Hannah.
ReplyDeleteI wish too. Yes, one day we won't have to wonder anymore. Thinking of you as her due date approaches. xx
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see our little girls in heaven! Praying for you as the DD approaches. :-) God will get you through girl!
ReplyDeleteMe too Katy, me too. I wish that for you, for me, for all of us. My girls' due date was hard for me too. My husband & I went away, just the two of us so I could just be. It was hard, but like every other day, I got through it and so will you. Thinking of you and your sweet girl. xx
ReplyDeletei wish you cold hold her too. I understand what you're saying about the hole. I have a Grace sized hole that only Grace can fill. I know you have a hannah sized hole as well. Some day your heart will be whole again. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteOne day we'll get to hold all of our special babies. It will be wonderful.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
ReplyDeleteI am thinking of you as Hannah's day approaches. Sending you hugs. :)
ReplyDeleteAh, Katy...you are right. It's going to be ok. You'll be ok. You will get past it. And you will do it with the grace that you have been showing every day since she left. You have proven how strong you are.
ReplyDeleteBut that doesn't mean it won't hurt and you aren't entitled to wish it to just be here and gone. I just echo what everyone else says and wishes for themselves--that these days which were supposed to be so joyous didn't sting so much and we had our babies with us.
Praying for you and for a peaceful heart.
xoxo
*hugs* if you can set aside a day for you and your husband....I found the due date easier then I had anticipated. *hugs* Hope the same for you.
ReplyDelete((((((((hugs)))))))) giant hugs for you, dear heart, you are in my prayers and thoughts. God collects each precious tear!
ReplyDeleteWhen you get a minute, stop by my blog, there is a suprise there for you in honor of Hannah. Happy Valentines!
ReplyDeleteI understand your thoughts & feelings. Sure can empathize. It's been over 4 years for me, and I still wonder those things. Thinking of you & wishing you peace.
ReplyDelete