Monday, February 22, 2010


I am having a hard time. I imagine all that I am missing in that alter world that never played out. The one that took an abrupt turn in the opposite direction on September 21, 2009. The one that left me so empty. Sad. Desparate. Alone.

Looking to God for guidance has been the only thing getting me through. His grace has been the only thing getting me through. His mercy has been the only thing getting me through. You know, where He stops that boulder from completely rolling over you. You just sit staring at it everyday instead. Wondering when it will resume its motion and completely crush you.


I am so confused. I am lost right now.

oh and this too.....(click here)


  1. Oh, Katy, I just read this and your other post and I am so very sorry. My heart goes out to you! It seems like your burdens are big ones and the road seems never ending. But keep fighting, keep pushing, keep looking toward God like you have been all this time....I'll be praying for you. That He will give you strength and guidance and send others to bring you encouragement.
    Hugs and more hugs...

  2. Oh Katy, I am just so sorry. (((hugs)))

  3. Im right there with you. I equtated it to bricks being stacked on me and having one more would kill me but yes, I just sit and wonder when and how its coming. I think its a part of being shell shocked and still a bit disbeliving that I didnt die right along with my babies. I do hope this "hard time" will give way for both our sakes. *HUGS*

  4. I know. I wish we didn't have to live in this new life. I wish we were living in the life with our children here in our arms instead of in heaven. I HATE IT!!! Thanks for the beautiful plague. I hung it up yesterday with tears in my eyes. We should be hanging a sign on the nursery door in anticipation of brining home.

  5. I hate this for you, but can obviously so relate! I really admire your ability to honestly share it and to be expressive about not being crushed only by the grace of God. I SO feel like that, and even when I don't really "feel" God...and feel alone, I realize that I CAN'T be alone because alone, I'd NEVER be able to breathe through this all, much less survive.
    I am sending you every hug and comfort I can!

  6. I am so sorry Katy, you really are dealing with alot, go easy on yourself ok? Thinking of you and sending huge bear hugs xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo Nan

  7. I am so very sorry Katy. That you lost your beautiful girl and that you are now facing all of these health challenges. Hugs x

  8. Keep holding onto God and never let go.