Wouldn't it be nice if people could overcome their own uncomfortableness and just tell you they love you? They are thinking of you. The know, but at the same time can't possibly understand, how hard this is for you. I'm sure they hear your heart breaking. I'm sure they hear as it slowly cracks into pieces. I'm sure they see it in your eyes; hear it in your voice. But they don't.
Most of the time I believe people want you to feel better just so they don't have to be uncomfortable anymore. It's almost selfish of them.
She is always going to be my daughter. I am always going to want her. I am always going to love her and miss her. That is not going to change.
I have changed.
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I love you and Hannah. I know you are right it is a hard thing for people to understand. Your Loss, your love, your feelings, how you don't just turn the page and move on... If they tried to understand it REALY understand it the best they could, they would be sad and hurting, and heartbroken for you. I agree with you totally that most people don't go there in their hearts and it IS Selfish.
ReplyDeleteThey are afraid to really go there, because they couldn't handle it.
Please know the people who do that are afraid. Don't EVER let them judge you, or how you feel. You are in a place someone like that is too afraid to go. Know that you are moving at your own pace and that is all you can do. Love you Crystal
I agree, I sometimes think its selfish of them too. Sometimes I feel like when Im talking about Bryston that people are just like counting the seconds untill Im done. But at the end of the day, I have to tell myself, Hey I listen to their stories so wheather they're uncomfortable or not, sharing my babies is a joy for me! No one can understand how important sharing these moments time and time again is so special to us until they themselves have been in our shoes. *HUGS*
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for what may be said to you that makes you hurt even more. John and I just talked about that this morning...no matter what, no matter how much I may be smiling or laughing at something...it is all just a cover for my broken heart. And you are right--that will never change.
ReplyDeleteI think also some people just don't know what to say. They themselves are just at a loss because they feel bad and don't want you to. They just don't get that them wanting it doesn't change it.
They just don't get it.
So...hold on to those who do...and who would love nothing more than to spend all the time in the world talking about or remembering anything you want for as long as you want!!!!
We are glad to!
xoxo
Katy,
ReplyDeleteWhat you are feeling is life in what I refer to as the "new normal". Those who were once a valued part of our everyday lives seem to check out on us when we become "different". They want us to snap back to being our old jovial selves, as that's easier than dealing with someone who'se obviously struggeling. You learn who your real friends are during this time...and some who we love most fail us in the worst ways. It's easier for them to put us on ignor than to hear our hurts.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this pain. When I lost Christian it was my blogger friends Nan, Deni and Shandrea that kept me going. They felt my pain and dried my tears, while my in real life friends went about their lives....its sad.
Thinking of you and remembering sweet Hannah. She will always be a part of your everyday life...yes, you are changed, but you will be able to look back many months from now and see all the blessings you have bestowed on others while honoring your little girl.
God does have a plan and although it pains me to think this ways sometimes I have to believe we will find peace...eventualy.
Hugs...tears too, as I wish I could take this pain from you.
xoxo
I have a friend who had a baby die shortly after birth. She is one of my closest friends.She told me her story one day in private after hearing me ask for prayers for you. She said something to me thatforever changed me. She said... "when i lost my child..the whole world as I knew it changed. She Continued.. When the world loses one person, everything is changed relationships, interactions, souls, peoples paths, so much changes in the blink of an eye. Yet the world still spins and people move on, but a select few ever see what the loss of that one person has done. She took my hand and asked me to really think about that if I wanted to know how to help you. I sat for a good long time thinking about all the lives Hannah would have touched in life, and now how many she has touched in passing to heaven. My hope is that I convey to you how much I love her and how much...I see and feel that she is a part of this family. I want you to know I feel that loss for all of us, deeply.
ReplyDeleteYour darling daughter, though not here is not forgoten. She has changed our world, and the lives of so many others. She is very special in my heart. I will always love her.
I thanked my friend for sharing her story about her child, and how one person's loss changes the world, because without her thoughts, I wouldn't have seen a way to take down the safety wall around my heart and realy see Hannah's loss for all that it is.... Life changing... for so many.
I hope I do her sweet soul justice. She has reached through you to so many to show love and compassion. I want you to know I am sending that love right back ten fold. I too am forever changed. Love Crystal
We have all changed. And I used to feel a lot of pressure to make something like this change me for the "Better". And I, too, get really frustrated with others inability to see things the way I do. But then I sometimes wonder, too, would I see them this way had I not been the one to go through it? At any rate, I just wanted to stop in and say that your'e not alone in thinking this way-not that that helps, and I don't have any advice, but-yeah. But. I am sending you hugs. And Hannah is remembered by so many.
ReplyDelete"Most of the time I believe people want you to feel better just so they don't have to be uncomfortable anymore."
ReplyDeleteSo true... I ran into a friend recently at the mall and she said "OH! You look so good, I'm sorry I havent called you." I feel like she was letting herself off the hook... she thought I looked good, so she could forgive herself for not calling me when she should have. I suppose I "looked good" that day.. I mean, I was dressed, which doesn't always happen. But looking good or being dressed doesnt mean I was better or didn't need her to call me.
Sigh.
Most people either say something (which doesn't help) or don't say anything at all (which doesn't help). The truth is, unless you have been through losing a child yourself, there is no way anyone could possibly understand. I talk about my Tatum all the time, in everyday conversation, and have noticed that it makes other people a lot more uncomfortable than it makes me. But my closet friends and family- that's a different story:)
ReplyDeleteI just had this long comment and it got erased :(
ReplyDeleteI just wish people would understand that as uncomfortable as they are to hear about our children, that is what keeps us going. Seeing our child's name written somewhere, saying their name. That is all we have left. We won't be able to create memories any other way. *hugs*
It has been 7 weeks since I lost Juanito. I am back to work and everyone is acting as if I should just move on. I know they don't understand what I am going through, but I have just lost my son and I want to grieve! They have no idea what to do around me and I feel like I am being avoided by some. It is so hard! I wish it could be different, but it's not. People just don't get it. I am sorry you have to go through this too. I hope that it will get easier for you. I feel like I have become an amazing actress!!!
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