Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Climbing Back Out.....

I think I am getting out of this hole. I have been allowing too many external things to get to me and get me down.

Yesterday was a hard day. My friend told me she is 11 weeks pregnant. August 3. My rainbow baby was due August 7. I felt jealous, then guilty for feeling that way. She is a good person. I am happy for her. I started to analyze how I was feeling and why, after I stopped bawling, of course, and I came to understand something.....

Every pregnant woman I see, everyone woman holding her newborn child, they have and had the same dreams as I. They are looking for that same thing as I. How could I ever be angry or bitter because they got it and I didn't? It has nothing to do with them. I am coveting what they have. And that is a sin.

I am happy for her. I am hopeful for me. I feel much better.

And at the same time I found this out yesterday, I saw a girl I have not seen in a while. Hmmmm.....just like last week I got the "Oh you had the baby! How is she? Did you bring her?"

After I managed to swallow the lump in my throat and fight back my tears, I tell my sad story. Turns out she, too, lost a baby in her second trimester. Funny. I never knew that about her.

It is amazing how God brings you the right people at the right time. My friend I met in our bereavement group called later that afternoon. I NEEDED that talk with her. I NEEDED someone who understood and to just have that friendship and conversation at that exact moment. (Thank You!)

That's it for now. Missing my angel, but keeping my faith and trust in God.


  1. I do believe that God brings you the right people at the right time. I have had that happen and am so thankful when it does. Missing your angel with you. xo

  2. I am glad you found your strength to climb out of your hole. I hope and pray that when you feel you want to cry that it is replaced with a smile, and when you are feeling sad that it is replaced with peace. hugs and prayers

  3. There is nothing wrong with feeling sad for what you lost... but I am glad that you know deep down that it's okay to be happy for others at the same time.

  4. I do agree that God brings us the people we need. Your words made me realize that I have been wanting what other people have too.

  5. I feel like this a lot...a friend of mine is trying to get pregnant and another is currently pregnant.

    After the 2 losses in 3 months, my husband still wants to try as soon as able, which according to my doc will be February..he said, one of these tries we will get our baby to bring home with us. And I want that too, but I am now scared to get pregnant, as it has brought so much sadness...yet, I feel like the only way to make me complete again is to try again...its bizarre how I am stuck. You have amazing faith....I hope to, one day...

  6. I get those jealous feelings as well sometimes... I pray on it and that does help.

    You are right. God brings you people when you need it most.

  7. I am so glad you are finding your way out of the holes of darkness. They are so horrible when they come our way. I am praying for your strength.