I think I am getting out of this hole. I have been allowing too many external things to get to me and get me down.
Yesterday was a hard day. My friend told me she is 11 weeks pregnant. August 3. My rainbow baby was due August 7. I felt jealous, then guilty for feeling that way. She is a good person. I am happy for her. I started to analyze how I was feeling and why, after I stopped bawling, of course, and I came to understand something.....
Every pregnant woman I see, everyone woman holding her newborn child, they have and had the same dreams as I. They are looking for that same thing as I. How could I ever be angry or bitter because they got it and I didn't? It has nothing to do with them. I am coveting what they have. And that is a sin.
I am happy for her. I am hopeful for me. I feel much better.
And at the same time I found this out yesterday, I saw a girl I have not seen in a while. Hmmmm.....just like last week I got the "Oh you had the baby! How is she? Did you bring her?"
After I managed to swallow the lump in my throat and fight back my tears, I tell my sad story. Turns out she, too, lost a baby in her second trimester. Funny. I never knew that about her.
It is amazing how God brings you the right people at the right time. My friend I met in our bereavement group called later that afternoon. I NEEDED that talk with her. I NEEDED someone who understood and to just have that friendship and conversation at that exact moment. (Thank You!)
That's it for now. Missing my angel, but keeping my faith and trust in God.