Today I realized something. The world has moved on. Everyone I know, in their own ways, has moved on. Some are affected, and maybe even changed, by my daughter's life. Some seem to forget that dark day that left me barren. Seem to forget that I do have a daughter. Forget I am not just a mother of 1.
I don't think I have moved on at all. I have just moved forward. Time has been ushering me forward as I drag my feet in objection. I guess the farther away from that day I get, though, the closer I get too. Closer to holding Hannah again; this time never having to let her go. What a wonderful day that will be-- running to my beautiful daughter awaiting me in Heaven. That thought gives me such peace.
And I know she has changed me. I am not the same person I was before I lost her, though sometimes I really wish I could be. But I know I am a better person now, because of her. I know I will survive this, by the grace of God. I know someday it won't hurt as bad.
I know that short time God blessed me with her is going to mean a lifetime to someone else. Her sweet soul is all around me, teaching me to love. Teaching me to comfort. Teaching me to reach into places I never would have otherwise. She will bless so many people, as she has blessed me.
So those that move on I pray would take a little piece of her with them, too. She could teach us all something.
I love you, Hanni. I miss you so much.