Why is it that almost every perishable item I grab now at the grocery store has an expiration date of February 18? At first I refused to buy anything with that date but inevitably had no choice. Some things only have that date. My date. Hannah's date, which is quickly coming and I am sure will move me into a new phase of my grief. I can stop imagining how my body would be and begin to wonder how my life would be. Wonderful.
I started a prayer journal a few days ago. I am finding it very helpful in dealing with my emotions and pouring them out before God. As I feel the weight on my heart travel instead onto that paper, I know He is working on me. I know He is with me, holding me up, guiding my steps.
I am hopeful for many things. I am thankful for many things. I surrender my soul to the fact that I had and have no control over anything. I turn over this weariness that hangs on me as I approach the end of what would have been this pregnancy.