Why is it that almost every perishable item I grab now at the grocery store has an expiration date of February 18? At first I refused to buy anything with that date but inevitably had no choice. Some things only have that date. My date. Hannah's date, which is quickly coming and I am sure will move me into a new phase of my grief. I can stop imagining how my body would be and begin to wonder how my life would be. Wonderful.
I started a prayer journal a few days ago. I am finding it very helpful in dealing with my emotions and pouring them out before God. As I feel the weight on my heart travel instead onto that paper, I know He is working on me. I know He is with me, holding me up, guiding my steps.
I am hopeful for many things. I am thankful for many things. I surrender my soul to the fact that I had and have no control over anything. I turn over this weariness that hangs on me as I approach the end of what would have been this pregnancy.
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My Dear Friend,
ReplyDeleteI know that date is coming soon. It is amazing how things like dates, names, songs remind us of our angels all the time, I know. I now know that is because they are around us, they are in our hearts and they love us as much as we love them.
With the grace of our Lord I believe what I can't see. Because, even though I can't see her, I can feel her all the time I feel I have a bond with her now more than I ever had. The only explanation that makes any sense to me is God. Nothing else.
I ask Him everyday to help me strenghten my faith (I never asked for that before) but I just want to be close to Him, that's all I need, all I want.
I will always be here for you. Remembering Hannah and your rainbow babies. XOXO Renata
Sending you extra Love and Lots of hugs.
ReplyDeleteKaty,
ReplyDeleteSo sorry...
Just 2 weeks prior to my HS Graduation I lost my best friend tragicaly. I can honestly say losing Christian brough back that same pain. I remember a conversation with Lana's mother in which she said that Lana had always come in 2nd in everything and that she even died on the 2nd. I've never forgotten that, as that date has always stayed with her mom....just like you seeing that date on bread.
Praying for you and sending love your way, as you weather the storm.
Many Hugs
*hugs* The anticipation for me was worse then the date...thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteSorry that that date seems to be lingering all around you. It will come soon enough. ((hug))
ReplyDelete